he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
