he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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