Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Randomize
