i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
