This house was built for laser tag.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
