Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
