It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
