You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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