You're completely useless in the revolution.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize