and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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