You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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