Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
