Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
