how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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