Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
