this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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