I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
