If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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