I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
