Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize