dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
