We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
