that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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