either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize