I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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