dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
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