She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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