can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
