Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
