She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
