she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
