Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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