My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
