Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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