no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
This is my life. Enjoy the view
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
