1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
