Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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