Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
