I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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