I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
