There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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