You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
