i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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