Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
