You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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