Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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