Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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