Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He better not be in your backpack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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