when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I looked at my own cervix.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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