I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
