She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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