I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
