I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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