for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
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The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You pole danced in your parka.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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