do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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