I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
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You're earring is so big in my mouth
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
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My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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