I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
